Hi There. I'm Jacob. That is my real name. I didn't create an Internet alias or something. And if I did, why would I use "Jacob"? I'd use something cool. Like "Corporal John LadyFucker". Hey, I like that. Call me that. No, just call me Jacob. Unless of course I'm not Jacob. Maybe I created a series of increasingly unbelievably cool names so that no one could track me down. Then I'd be unstoppable.
But no I'm Jacob. That was me going of on a random tangent. That's going to happen a lot.
I'm not sure how to go about writing this, because I don't know who I'm writing it for. Maybe you're a fan trying to find some of my early work (Is that it? Am I famous? Finally). Or maybe you're a fellow blogger here on Blogger.com, and you're having a look around. I'm leaning towards that one.
Hi there fellow blogger. Nice to see you. Being self-conscious to a level that is just ridiculous (an attribute bound to serve me well on the Internet), I imagine you're currently judging every decision I've made thus far in creating my blog. So let's go through all the things I probably did wrong while I try to justify them.
1:Giving my real name. (That just has to bite me in the ass. Off to a great start of justifying!)
2:Naming my blog. (I thought it was pretty funny, okay? Not to mention accurate, seeing as I don't think I've managed to type "I" a single time in this post yet without having to go back and capitalize it later. I also realize it doesn't fit in most of the places my title will be displayed.)
3:Selecting this template. (Yes, I selected the very first template. I'm so original. And no, I didn't do it to be ironic and state that I don't care either, because I'm not clever enough for irony. If something is stupid, I'll say it's stupid. The templates thing is stupid.)
4:Not using AdSense. (I doubt you actually noticed there are no ads on this page, but this is the one little app I was genuinely interested in using, because if I can earn money while being an idiot and spend far less time in intensive care than the guys from Jackass, I'll do it. Unfortunately, you have to be eighteen to sign up, and I'm not. So until then, BUY OFFICE MAX, okay?)
Aaaaand here we are. The more I think about it, the more I wonder why I chose to write this as though you are a fellow blogger. I mean, I certainly have no intention of going and reading any of the other bloggers bloggers (I feel this site could be named better), so I don't know why you're reading mine. But fuck it, I don't care. I'm sure I've done all sorts of shit wrong, so go ahead Internet, destroy me.
Corporal John ladyFucker, signing off.
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Of on a random tangent, or off on a random tangent?
ReplyDeleteAnd that's my spell-checking of the day.
Holy shit, what?! Did you know you can't use the arrow keys or the 'End', 'Home' etc. keys to navigate through the comment box? You can't move that typing cursor thing (that looks like this: | but blinking) with anything but the mouse. That's just ridiculous. I hate this now. Go back to bebo.
- Stalks- Hello there, Mr. Ladyfucker. -Reveals ice pick- Tonight, you shall suffer for using your real name on the interwebz, lets dance puppet boy. -evil laugh-
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