A Race Against Time (I've already lost)

I appreciate that there are a huge number of blogging sites out there (are there? I don't really know) and each offers similar services to blogspot here. So, you may be asking yourself (no one is asking themselves. I am aware of this), why did I pick this site?

The answer is quite simple. Daniel O'Brien uses this site. If you don't know who Daniel O'Brien is, then... What the fuck? Why are you reading my fucking blog? Get out of here.

Daniel O'Brien is, as far as I'm concerned, pretty much the Batman of blogging. Of internet comedy, really. I am totally serious. If I ever met the man I would offer to buy him a cape. This is of course only my opinion and if you think differently then before leaving a comment please note that I don't care what you think.

But, upon reading a few of his posts, purely because they are fucking hilarious, I realized something.

He is much, much, much funnier than me (don't laugh, he's funnier than you too). And upon creating a blogspot like him (we are, by the way, completely ignoring the fact that I stopped calling this site blogger), have placed myself in direct competition with that much, much, much funnier man.

You could reason that there are thousands of people on blogspot, and that the fact that I and The Dan are a small fraction of those people and are clearly in no way competing. You could reason. But in my delusional, learning-disabled and heavily medicated mind, we are. And direct_auxiliary's "sites I've joined" down there aren't fucking helping.

I spent a good few hours in the tub considering this (well, this and why all water I bathe in always does that) and have calmly and carefully decided what to do.

I am going to pretend to have never heard of Dan O'Brien. I will continue to read his articles on cracked.com, of course. He's fucking funny. But I'm not going to attribute all the articles to one Dark knight of Blogging. Instead I will pretend that they are a series of articles from completely different, equally hilarious people. This will allow me to delude myself into thinking that this is the average level of comedy on the Internet, and that I will be the person who will, one day, produce this kind of fantastic on a constant basis.

I suppose this means I'm the Batman in my metaphor. But in a very early stage of development. Like, innocent happy-go-lucky child Bruce Wayne. What I'm asking, I guess, is if someone out there would kindly kill my parents.

I'd greatly appreciate it. BUY OFFICE MAX.