Facebook.

I'm going to do my best to actually post some blogs from now on. I used to post like every week, back on Bebo (yes, that is spelled correctly. That's a thing), but I kind of got bored. The creation of my Blogger account was basically an attempt to revitalize my passion for blogging.

It failed miserably. Distraught and disillusioned, I read some of my earlier blogs, trying to recapture some of that lost passion (I'd like to take this moment to explicitly state that I am not, nor was I ever, sexually stimulated by the concept of blogging. That is for the record).

Do you know what I realized? I hate more or less everything. Especially the internet. I love to bitch about the internet. So that's what I'll do. Each week (or, y'know, whenever. Fuck it) I will pick a website that makes my heart skip a beat or two (with hate. Not. Sexually. Excited) and spew forth some distasteful comments here.

Now, plenty of you might point out that posting my hate of the internet, on the internet, is stupid. Well, to you sir, firstly, eat scrotum, and secondly, it's not stupid, it is ironic. All the cool kids know irony is where it's at. On to the main event!


So, fuck Facebook. It's stupid here. With your fucking walls and your status' and your pokes (is that you guys? Fuck it). I log on for the first time in, shit, a month, and you know what I get? "Ben and John commented on Huw's something something", and "Hannah's status is blah fucking blah". You know who that affects (effects?) Jon, Ben, Huw, and Hannah. You know who I am? None of those fucking people. I don't even see why we need these things. The majority of you people see each other every day.
Every. Day.

I have, from the very beginning, called this non-instant instant messaging out as stupid and nonsensical. You could text. You could MSN or Yahoo-chat or Grue-call or whatever-the-fuck-you-want these people, instantly. Instantaneously. God knows T.V and the internet has conditioned us all to need immediate gratification on virtually everything we do now days.

But I know why you're doing this facebook-wall-poking bullshit. And I know who to blame. Music Television. That degenerate excuse for a T.V channel where the only prerequisite to being famous is to have a cup size higher than you I.Q. (or, from a male perspective, a mouth large enough to talk all the smack that could also contain all the many, many dicks you would deserve to swallow for said smack talk).

I have some grave news for you people out there. You are not on MTV. The people who give a shit about what you have to say or poke or wall (tag?) are the following:
-You
-Your Mom (well, she has to pretend)

So stop filling the internet with your nonsense. You could call these people, you know. Talk to them that way. Or God forbid actually make human contact and talk to their face. But no, you want to be famous. You want to be special. So you set up a goddamn smoke signal to the person two doors down from you.

Well you know who lives between you and them? Me. I do. And my lungs hurt from all your status-smoke. Please fuck off.

If you want to be famous, you need to do one of the following:
-Ladies, get implants that you can't fit in one hand.
-Gents, you can start by practicing eating hot-dogs without chewing, and go from there.